Hollywood Homeless

It looks like a scene out of your latest favorite zombie movie.

It smells like it too.

But clearly, these are not zombies that will eat your brain (but they might eat your left-over In-and-Out wrapper if they are high or hungry enough).

The entire state of California has been run over by homelessness. City after city professes the same complaint about all of the people living, sleeping, and pissing in its streets.

Hollywood, however, has its own very special homeless problem unique unto itself.


Every year, people move to tinsel town in hopes of getting discovered (by the cabal or some fat, child-moslesting porn-star casting agent/pop-music producer), only to have their bubble burst and their dreams of undaunted, undeserving fame and fortune shattered. In the cosmic diarrhea of Los Angeles, an estimated 10.1 million people reside, not so peacefully, amongst each other.  About 50,000 people move in every year to “reinvent” themselves, and about that same number move out because they realize they are not the only fish in the sea. The question does arise, however, while you drive down at first glance, the pretty, palmy streets of LA smeared at second glance with steaming human feces from all the homelessness, “Do these folks really ever leave?”,

The answer is clearly, “no.”

What really gets my goat is all the computer graphics people who get paid to simply “erase” the homeless piss and shit out of your tv shows and movies. If you think that LaLa Land and Goliath depict the real streets of LA, you are drinking and loving the Kool-Aid.

On any given walk to the local Hollywood Farmers Market, I would see folks literally playing their guitar on the streets, or some even just showing their ass for cash (actresses/actors or just higher-paid versions of hookers). Just a few months later, these same folks are getting kicked out of their studios or roommate situations since their *stardom* has not yet paid their bills. And when all the couches are exhausted, some return to their small mid-western towns back home where they can still hopefully fit into their prom king and queen tiaras.

But who wants to do that when the City of Los Angeles will literally hand you about $1,000 a month check on SS if you qualify and give you free food and cell phones? Yes, that’s right. All free. So the transition begins: once Hollywood-hopefuls take up camp underneath the freeways, in the Santa Monica mountains, but more annoyingly, in front of your house or even next to the local police station. And there is nothing you can do about it. For after all, there are many laws protecting these folks and even the cops can’t touch them. Or else they may take a video of you on their free cell phone (paid for by your taxes) and post it up on YouTube for all of your community (and their homeless friends) to see just how much of an angry, misanthropic dickhead you are for kicking out a scabbed-up, itchy and scratchy drunk homeless chap out of your driveway for blocking your car in the morning.

Welcome to the land of Ghetto Superstars. No, wait: Homeless Ghetto Superstars. Haven’t you heard of them? They are the latest cool trendsetters, man. 

Hollywood Homeless.

Coming soon to a driveway near you.



Copyright 2017 Dilara Esengil, All Rights Reserved

(Images Not Property of the Author)

Categories: Uncategorized

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