As we leave behind another 365 days and welcome the New Year with New Hopes, New Dreams, New Ways To Lose Weight, New News, New Everythings, we look forward to New Beginnings and New Opportunities for hopefully, the Betterment of Humankind, starting with our selves.
In looking to this shiny new reason to let go of the old and greet the new, we are quick to say, “Whew! I am glad this year is over.”
Some of us love to roll along almost every December 31st, always making sure to tell other people just how the next New Year is the Year. Ya, baby. This is the Golden Year.
Some of us party like it’s 1999 all the time (not a pretty sight at my age for people my age still doing this).
Some of us are working, some of us are together with family and friends, and some of us are reflecting about a lot of stuff. After all, a New Year is almost like a birthday: it makes you think about things that you may or may not want to recall.
Whether or not we fit into any of these New Yearer’s categories, what we must remember is the things to leave behind in order to make room for the new. Just as sometimes you have to clean out your wardrobe, throw out the junk in your storage, or simply clean out your pantry, taking inventory and really just plain old getting rid of some things that we all don’t need to be carrying with us can really be the way to a Real New Year.
So having said this all, here is my list of the #TopFifteenThingsToLeaveBehindin2014:
Not only does this scream “I don’t give a shit about you or anyone so here is my asshole” but it really makes us confuse you with yours.
14. Your Ex
There is a reason this person is someone you literally call YOUR EX! They are a part of your PAST. And that’s exactly where you need to let them live.
13. Your Sugar Intake
Diabetes is the 7th leading cause of death in the United States. (The Top Two are Heart Disease and Cancer – all also directly related to your diet and lifestyle). At the very least, stop eating sugar in general. Or else just pay the price later.
On that sweet note…
12. … Stop Eating Artificial Sweeteners.
These are chemicals. Would you drink a bottle of bleach or Ajax or Lysol? If you don’t mind adding poison to your body with these sweeteners, go for it. Then you can start enjoying your trips to doctors and hospitals later in your life when you are not so young and mobile. All because you are too weak to stop eating poison. Awesome.
11. Get Rid Of All Your Creed Albums
Haven’t you seen the news? You do not want to support someone who threatens the leader of our nation, no matter what your politics are. America is about Freedom and Liberty. Not about false Gods and even-falser-not-so-Christian-rockers.
10. The Negative Emotions of Other People
And if you can’t separate the person from the negative stuff that always seems to come with them, you can leave them behind in 2014 too.
9. Natural Deodorant
It doesn’t work. We know because we can smell you.
8. Processed Foods
See #22 and #23 and Google.
7. Your Judgments About Others
You have no idea what it is like to walk in the shoes of another. You will never know. Deal with yourself. Forget about everyone else. They are not your concern. They are their own concern.
The only person this always ends up hurting is you. So go for it. Keep holding on to that baby. It’s your poison baby after all. Coddle it, rock it back and forth. It’s just waiting to take you out one day. You’ll never know that it was The Grudge that did it. He’s good. He’s really good and will disguise himself as a health problem sometime in your near future. The sooner you kick your Grudge to the curb, the longer you will live. Unless this is all you do: hold Grudges and nothing more. These people live forever, for very special reasons.
5. All of Your Old Refrigerator Sauces
If you don’t, all future refrigerators are going to have Martha Stewart’s Holograph spooking you from behind that old mustard that you are too afraid to open up and have a lookie inside.
4. The Notion That We Are Alone In the Universe
Even Pope Francis asked during Mass in 2014:
““If—for example—tomorrow an expedition of Martians came, and some of them came to us, here… Martians, right? Green, with that long nose and big ears, just like children paint them… And one says, ‘But I want to be baptized!’ What would happen?” … “When the Lord shows us the way, who are we to say, ‘No, Lord, it is not prudent! No, let’s do it this way…’”
3. Bad Tattooes
Yes, I wrote a poem about it. And it is based on a true story.
2. High-Wasted Shorts
Seriously fellow women, please hear my plea to you all: STOP BUYING THESE AND THROW OUT THE ONES YOU HAVE. They are NOT flattering on ANYONE and all MEN (AND ALOT OF OTHER WOMEN) AGREE.
And the #1 thing to leave behind this year, even if you are not leaving it behind tonight, throw it out by Monday at the latest:
1. Your Unwillingness to Learn
Be teachable. Stop saying you can’t. Say you can. Believe in Good. Practice the Good. Be the Good. Everyone loves a Hero. Be one. Even if you are a Hero to just one person, that means the WORLD to THAT ONE PERSON. So you are the BIGGEST HERO to THEM.
YOU are the key to your Universe and a gift to humanity.
HAPPY 2015 EVERYONE!
~ Dilara Esengil
Copyright 2014 All Rights Reserved
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