When Vision Boards Go Too Far…

One of the weirdest cities in the world has to be Hollywood, California.

Visiting is one thing, but living here is totally another. Masked by the glimmer and the glamour of this tinsel town, lives a bitter, hard and often unpleasant reality of completely delusional people who come here with little or no talent whatsoever and in their own minds, (and to their friends back home), they are “famous”.

Well, now thanks to the internet, we kinda all know who we are. (Or at least if we are not what or who we say we are.)

Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of AMAZING, super talented people who come here to unite and make beautiful art. And that’s the reason why I am here: film, television, music and the terrific people I am gratefully working with these days.

But this little story isn’t about the real people who are doing real things in Hollywood.

This piece is about the people that you never hear about (and you should be oh-so-grateful that you don’t).

Like this one girl that I met a few years ago who thought she was an actress. And a singer. And a dancer. And a superstar. She also juggled.

She never walked around without full-blown, caked-on make-up. She had serious insecurity issues. One could almost feel sorry for her. I know I did. Until that one fine day when I visited her place. She begged me to come over. I never go over to people’s homes who I don’t know well on a whim. I don’t have the time even if I wanted to.

Honestly, we were worried about her. So the group who knew her picked lucky me to go check up on this poor, little lost little girl’s soul.

There are many techniques to becoming famous here in LaLa land. One way is to go make sex tapes and hope that your daddy has a lot money to promote the fact that he doesn’t mind that his daughter is a useless, material waste of a whore.

The other ways are more common: sleeping with men or women your grandparents age on their second or third divorce and fifth or sixth face-lift in order to get a “part” in, uhm, a cable-network-only-pilot-that-will-never-get-aired.

If you are lucky, and have some real talent, you may not have to sell your self or your soul if you are persistent, patient and not a douchebag or sad groupie.

This girl, unfortunately, did not fit into any of those categories, but she did tell me she was going to be a star. And with characters like those on some of today’s reality TV shows, like Honey Boo Boo and Snooki,  she still has a great chance, even after this story…

When I got to her place, I needed to use the bathroom. Little did I know I was in for the shock of my life.

On her mirror, was a vision board with pictures of famous actresses and actors, only their heads were all cut out. Instead, her head was cut out and placed on their bodies.

Years in the district attorney’s office and as an attorney working with law enforcement suddenly flashed before my eyes. Was this girl trying to kill me? I gasped as I washed my hands, fearfully trying not to look at any more of these creepy, psychotic pictures in Fake-Head-Girl’s bathroom. I was terrified that I might see my body with her head pasted on it!

I feared that I might be among the headless Selma Hayeks, the Julia Roberts, the Naomi Campbells (she was white by the way and this just looked, um … NOT OKAY!?!).

Could it get any worse?

Yes.

It did.

I ran out after I saw this centerpiece of her vision board, with candles lit all around it, adorned with precious gems and strange writings.

Image

I think I said outloud, out of shock, “Omg, is that … the #FooFighters?” 

She said yes.

I have never seen or spoken to her since.

#truehollywoodstory

“Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose” ….

(Lyrics by The Foo Fighters – Best of You)

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